Yesterday I did something completely irrational and not very me-like. I'd like to blame it on age (I'm less than six weeks from being 30!) or just getting too little sleep. But in reality, I can only blame it on one thing: a complete lack of trust in the God that I follow.
I had just finished teaching a piano lesson. Dean had the boys and they were making their weekly visit to Leon football practice. My next lesson had just cancelled so I had a 30 minute break. At 4:30 I heard my phone buzzing and answered it just a half second too late so I missed the call. I looked at it and realized I'd missed two calls in a row from this person. She is a friend of mine, but we never talk on the phone so missing two calls back to back is certainly odd. That's usually what people do when there's something wrong: keep calling until someone finally answers. I thought about what she might want and then it dawned on me that she lives next door to Leon High School, where Dean and the boys were. And my mind went to the next logical conclusion: something terrible had happened to them.
I called Dean and there was no answer. I hung up and called again. Still no answer (disclaimer: Dean is really good at answering his phone, way better than me, and so if he doesn't answer on the second or third ring, you can assume he's in a ditch somewhere... or that he's left his phone in the car).
At this point I'm feeling physically ill. I'm panicked and praying, asking God to protect my family and tell me what to do while I wait to hear from somebody. I knew the best thing to do was wait and pray. So I did. For about 45 seconds. Keep in mind it was only 4:33 at this point. Only 3 minutes had passed and already I was assuming the worst. Then I decided that it was better for me to just drive to Leon and see for myself what awful thing had happened. So I got in the car, called my next piano lesson and explained that I may be late.
When I explained that I was going to Leon because I felt like something horrible had happened, I realized that this may be a bit irrational. But I kept driving because I guess you could say the mama bear instinct had fully kicked in (and I refused to wait and be patient). And kept calling Dean and Beth (the one who had originally called me). Then I began calling anyone who might have heard from Dean or who would be somewhere around the school and could just look out a window and let me know things were alright. I was planning to tweet "In a total panic because I don't know where my husband and children are! Reply if you know anything about their situation!" at the next stoplight (because I don't text while driving and neither should you!).
Instead, when I got to the next stoplight, my phone rang. It was Dean. I figured he was calling me from the ambulance. Nope, he was calling from the football field. I could hear Tommy and Ty running around near him. He apologized for missing my call and said he kept trying to call me but my phone kept going to voice mail. Perhaps this was because I was in the process of calling everyone I knew. I turned around and headed back home, grateful I had left the house in a panic for nothing. And realizing how much easier the last 20 minutes would have been if I had any faith at all in God. But thankful that He would continue to teach me how to do so.
Just read your post. I do this all of the time, and it is so bad for us. I do it from time to time if my boyfriend calls me, and I call him back and he doesn't answer right away. I assume that something terrible happened. Last week, he was on his way here, and couldn't hear his phone ringing because his music was playing in the car. I automatically thought that he had gotten in a car accident. I remember driving home from work pleading to God that he would call me back so I knew that he was okay. When he finally called me back, I was sobbing into the phone like an idiot. Anxiety gets the best of us sometimes. It is such a pain, but a great lesson to learn.
ReplyDelete